Battlefield Friends: Project Wonka
by marinerecon
Summary: Join the Battlefield Friends, both old and new, as they work with familiar new players on a new battlefield map which has some crazy shit going on. Will there be romance, drama, action, and adventure? Well one things for certain, there will be plenty of hijinks, C-4, and Neebs moments in this craziness of all of Battlefield. So bring a shit bucket and prepare for the awesomeness.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, guys! I've got the latest news from the Battlefield Creators!THERE WILL BE A NEW MAP ADD-ON!" Neebs, the official Noob and Support Class of the Battlefield Friends (BFFs), shouted loudly, earning a few cheers and shouts throughout the room.

"STOP YELLING IN MY FUCKING EAR!" Shouted Ammo Guy, one of the so-called "blueberries" of the group, as he grabbed his ears in pain. All the prominent Battlefield Players and Stars were gathered in the VIP area of the tower on the Shanghai map. LevelCap was there along with ChaBoyy, FRANKIEonPC, and many other players. There was also a new player named MarineForceRecon, who recently joined the Battlefield Friends gamers yesterday for his first series of matches.

"That's great and all, Neebs, but what exactly will the new map add-on be anyway?" Doraleous, the Assault of the BFF's, inquired while shaking the shoulder of a sleeping MarineForceRecon. The new guy was white skinned and brown haired with blue eyes, but quite good looking to any of the female gamers. He was an Engineer Class like Aspro minus the facial hair and had on a baseball cap with the USMC emblem on the front of it. He also had a black Ace of Spades on his Kevlar vest as well. He pushed away Doraleous's hand while mumbling something out loud.

"Five more minutes, mom." Doraleous tried again but only received more mumbling.

"No, mom. I don't wanna go to school." Finally Doraleous had enough and simply nodded to Aspro. The other Engineer nodded in return and snuck up behind MarineForceRecon's chair with a bucket of water in his hands. Before he could even think about tipping it forward, the younger Engineer instantly bolted awake from his seat.

"ALRIGHT I'M UP AND MOVING, MOM! DON'T USE THE SQUIRT BOTTLE ON ME! I- Oh…." MarineForceRecon stopped when he realized what was really happening at the time. Aspro returned the bucket of water to the corner and sat back down in his seat.

"Seriously, you're afraid of a squirt bottle?"  
"Hey, you get sprayed with ice cold water in the morning while trying to sleep for a couple more minutes and you'll see why." Aspro could only shake his head before Neebs spoke up again.

"They didn't say what the actually design is, but the name of it is PROJECT WONKA!" Neebs yells excitedly again, hurting Ammo Guy's ears once more.

"STOP YELLING OR I'LL CUT YOUR DICK OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR NOSE!" Ammo Guy threatens for awhile until one voice made everyone silent in respect and fear. The owner of this gritty and rough voice was none other than the most deadly and terrifying man in the Battlefield community and on the battlefield itself, Colonel One Hundred.

"Project Wonka huh? MarineForceRecon, Thick44. You guys know anything about the meaning of this name?" The colonel asks, causing MarineForceRecon and Thick44 to tense up. Thick44, the Recon Class of the BFFs, only shook his head in return while MarineForceRecon thinked about it.

"Well, the only place I heard the name Wonka used would be in the book and both movies of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Maybe that's what Project Wonka will be based on." MarineForceRecon stated, causing a new series of questions among the players.

"So what will it be like in the factory?"

"Is it based off the Tim Burton version or the one with Gene Wilder?"

"I wonder if there will be NPCs in this one considering the setting?"

"Alright that is enough, people. Tomorrow we will have all of our questions answered at this new map. For right now, balance out the teams and lets play this game already." Colonel One Hundred announced, causing the Admin to do the balancing, much to the annoyance of everyone on the server.

The Next Day….

The BFFs and MarineForceRecon stood outside of the entrance to the new map's battleground waiting for the gate to open up. The building was massive and looked like the factory from the Tim Burton movie version in the BFFs' opinions. MarineForceRecon was so mesmerized by it that he failed to notice Simon and Neebs sneaking up behind him, carrying buckets of water. The two immature players snickered as they pour water all over the young Engineer. The teenager let out a loud yell as he felt cold water rush all over him. The other BFFs laughed at the little prank for awhile until eight new players showed up. Everyone stopped and looked at the new comers curiously while MarineForceRecon removed his boots to get the water out of them.

"Oh look, guys. We've got some new allies to fight with." One of the players said in a heavy German first player was a fat nineteen year old boy with short blond hair and blue eyes. He had on the uniform of the Support Class minus the helmet with a German flag on the front of his Kevlar vest. He held an M240B LMG in his right hand and a bar of chocolate in his left. The blue gamertag above his head said AGloopChocolateLover.

"Bloody 'ell, more noobs!? I don't want bleeding noobs on this team! Go switch to the other team, you arseholes!" A feminine English accent voice protested out loud. The second player was a fifteen year old English brunette with blue eyes and short perfect hair. She was playing as an Assault Class without the helmet and with an UK flag on her vest. She had a M416 slung on her back with her arms crossed in front of her. Her gamertag read her to be a VSaltTheRich. She also had a pout on her face while Aspro started to shout back.

"Noobs!? We're not Noobs! We play Battlefield like pros and you can't just show up and tell us what to do! Only the Commander can do that, you spoiled bi-" Aspro is cut off by Doraleous, who wanted the veteran Engineer to stop arguing.

"Knock it off already, you two! We came here to play Battlefield, not sit around and bicker among ourselves!" Doraleous speaks up over the two, ending the argument completely. A new voice then speaks up, shattering the brief silence.

"So who's the cute boy right there? You know the one whose soaking wet?" Another new person asked, clearly taking interest in MarineForceRecon. She was the same age as the younger Engineer with long straight brown hair, chocolate colored eyes, and the body of a goddess. She wore an Engineer uniform with the ball cap except she had an emblem of a smiley face with a tongue sticking out and a playfully wink on it. Her tag identified her as ViBeauregardeGumChewer1996. She took something out of her mouth and threw it to the ground as she approached MarineForceRecon smiling. The other new players gasped at this act for no reason until a fourth person voiced out the reason.

"Did she spit out her gum? Oh my god! Vi never spits out her gum ever!" MikeTVGamerBoy cried out as he stared at the scene in shock. The boy was a fourteen year old with short black hair and brown eyes. He was also a Engineer Class but wore his ball cap backwards and had a hand emblem with the middle finger up on his vest. His eyes were bulging at the sight of Vi starting to flirt with the bashful MarineForceRecon. A fifth person walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Seriously, Mike. Forget about that tramp. She may be our teammate and all, but she has no sense of style or taste in guys and fashion." MarvinPruneAllBoyClubLeader stated in an annoying high pitch tone. The kid had short blond hair and green eyes and was about eighteen years old. He was a Recon Class and had an emblem of a red heart on his vest. MarineForceRecon, upon recognizing the emblem, glared at Marvin and approached the self-centered boy.

"So it's you again, King of Hearts or is it Ace of Hearts now?" MarineForceRecon asked, his voice dripping with venom. Truth be told, he had gone to the same private school as Marvin until his dad agreed to let him go to a public school around the end of eighth grade. However the reason he disliked Marvin so much was the fact the guy had belittled him at that private school and it got to the point that whenever trouble happened, the teachers would punish him instead of the other students who actually did it. One time MarineForceRecon was on one side of the school when an incident happened on the other side and received detention for causing it, even though he was innocent of any wrong doing.

"It's King of Hearts still since Ace doesn't sound charming to the ladies, eh Lee?" Marvin sneered back, using MarineForceRecon's nickname to anger the young Engineer. The Engineer was about ready to retort an insult back at the egoistic boy when a sixth voice caused him to groan in recognition and annoyance.

"So the Ace of Spades is actually the former slacker and problem child of the St. Peter's Academy of Excellence? You should've stuck with the program instead of leaving for a school that degenerates go to. Then again, I think that's where you belonged to in the first place, Lee." MirandaPikerTopSchoolGirl began to berate her former fellow student, pointing a finger at him. She was seventeen with short brown hair and brown eyes. She wore the uniform of the Assault Class with the emblem of her school crest on her vest. In place of her helmet, she wore a red band that was a part of her school's uniform. MarineForceRecon rolled his eyes at Miranda and decided to throw some things at her.

"Gee, I don't know why I would go to Douglas MacArthur High School instead of your father's academy. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you can freely use all of the amendments of the Bill of Rights there. Better yet it's the home of the nation's top JROTC program that's won the Superintendent Award for fourteen years straight. Back down, Miranda. We're not at St. Peter's any more. This is Battlefield now, but more importantly, my home turf." MarineForceRecon shot back, causing the bossy brat to seeth in anger. This caused the BFFs to laugh in amusement since they knew it was true. MarineForceRecon, even though he was a Sergeant, proved himself to be a well-experienced Battlefield player which earned him the respect of the BFFs.

"Uh guys. Can we please stop the arguing now? This is getting rather difficult to enjoy now." CharlieBucketFullOfWater inquired nervously. The fifteen year old boy had bleach blond hair and light blue eyes. He had the uniform of the Support Class on and his emblem was a bucket to represent his last name. He stood in front of the last guy who was a Recon Class, but had no emblem for reasons unknown. His gamertag pinned him to be WWChocolatierExpert. He had brown curly hair and bluish grey eyes. His rank identified him as a Colonel 100, something that made the BFFs' Colonel One Hundred really suspicious. However before he could say anything, their commander began speaking into the team chat for the preparatory speech, something that was either added into this new map or was already featured.

"Attention all USMC personnel and assets. This is Commander Credo speaking. As much as I wish to have good news, I, unfortunately, only have bad news. Apparently this map requires troops to discover everything on the map in order for me to get a outline of the battlefield. So I need five or six of you guys to scout ahead of the main force to get an idea of our enemies' strength and positions. The ones who are going ahead for the reconnaissance will be MarineForceRecon, MirandaPikerTopSchoolGirl, Thick44, Colonel One Hundred, ViBeauregardeGumChewer1996, and Aspro. Good luck, boys and girls. So get some, Marines!" Commander Credo finished, the news making Neebs slightly unhappy.

"What!? Why does Thick and Aspro get to go and not me!? Why is the noobs going instead of me!? I'm an awesome player! You can't do this to me!" Neebs protested in anger as he raised his pistol into the air. LevelCap walked up to Neebs and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Neebs, I think it's best that you listen to the commander. In the meantime, I can show you how to use C-4 for various hijinks." This offer made Neebs excited since he loved to use C-4 all the time. Meanwhile the six chosen "lucky" ones gathered behind an M1A2 Abrams tank that was ready to ram the gate in. Thick44, Aspro, and MarineForceRecon stood side to side at the position of attention as Colonel One Hundred made his own speech.

"Alright, men. Let me tell you what to be ready for. Be ready to have your bodies turned into swiss cheese when the shooting starts. Make sure you always have your shit buckets ready. Remember: To be the expert of the Battlefield, you must be the Battlefield. Now get ready for the fucking of a lifetime." Colonel One Hundred stated as he dismissed the three guys to get ready. MarineForceRecon readied his M4 Carbine with one of the scopes and a grip when ViBeauregardeGumChewer1996 came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. The young Engineer froze, his face turning red with a blush as Vi began to whisper into his ear.

"So, Lee is it? How about we team up as partners and stick together for this recon mission hm?" Vi asked, causing MarineForceRecon to blush more furiously especially when she gave him a little peck on his cheek. After a few moments, MarineForceRecon finally voiced his answer.

"U-u-uh, s-s-s-sure t-t-then, m-miss B-B-Beaure-egar-rde." He stammered, earning a small giggle from the beautiful brunette.

"You know you're cute when embarrassed." Vi said before skipping back to Miranda to tell her about what had happened. MarineForceRecon walked over to the three other BFFs as the Abrams tank roared to life. It started to move backwards slowly before zooming forward at full speed at the gate. The gate was smashed to pieces, but before the tank could reach the main door, a series of puppets popped out of nowhere and sent a rocket at the tank. The rocket hit the tank dead on and it stopped completely in its tracks.

"Ow! I feel like my head was gangbanged by dinosaurs with massive dinosaur dicks!" The Abrams Tank driver moaned into his comms as his crew all groaned in pain. Commander Credo witnessed the entire event and spoke into his comms.

"Abrams One, what is the status of your crew and vehicle, over?" This earned him the reply from the Tank Commander.

"Please stop yelling. My head's killing me. Owww. Tank is needs some repairs and my crew is in pain, but we'll live." Credo sighed in relief at the fact his men were still alive. He looked at the command overview and saw the puppets that disabled his boys' Abrams Tank. Growing irritated by the creepy looks of them, Credo gave an order to make Neebs happy.

"Neebs, get a jeep rigged with C-4 and blow up those ugly puppets." Neebs raced to the nearest jeep and threw C-4 all over it. He hopped in and drove past the tank. He bailed out and when the jeep reached the puppets he triggered the detonator. The jeep and the puppets went up in flames, only leaving behind a scorched crater. The tank immediately backed up and allowed the six recon members to move to the front door. Thick44 planted a C-4 charge on the door before running back and blowing the door up. While the smoke was heavy and dark, the six members rushed inside, entering a new and completely different world all together.


	2. Chapter 2

**STANDING BY FOR THE BADASSERY AND HUMOR OF CHAPTER TWO PLEASE…**

**BADASSERY AND HUMOR READY…**

**Chapter Two: AGloopChocolateLover Goes Up The Pipe**

"Commander, this is Colonel One Hundred. We're inside perfectly fine. No signs of enemy forces yet, but we still have our guard up. We will proceed further into the area and scan it for your map outline, sir." Colonel One Hundred spoke into his comm as the other five recon members spreaded out and searched the area. MarineForceRecon did a visual scan of the area, his M4 shifting wherever he aimed, while Thick44 uses the bino scanner to search for enemies that might be invisible to the human eye. Meanwhile Aspro was busy trying to flirt with MirandaPikerTopSchoolGirl and ViBeauregardeGumChewer1996.

"So if you girls stick around long enough, you can unlock my foregrip." Aspro said, earning an "ew" from Vi and a scolding from Miranda.

"You barbaric, uneducated brute! Don't you dare attempt to court me with your perverted, corrupt ways! No one should ever marry such a disgusting man like you! If I were in charge of everyone in the world, I would send them all to school! Nobody should dare waste their time by not receiving a true education!" Miranda ranted, starting to get on the nerves of the Battlefield Friends' (BFF's) Engineer. Aspro tend to have a short fuse with idiots and arrogant assholes.

"Bull fuck, they're wasting their time! In case you hadn't noticed, nobody thinks the same fucking goddamn way as you do! They have other things to worry about like current events that may affect them or sometimes the political bull shit that occurs on a daily basis! Finally if everyone went to a pussy's academy like yours, then who would be defend the goddamn country from enemies both at home and foreign!? You're a fucking prissy, bossy, uptight bitch!" Aspro shot back in anger, giving Miranda the middle finger in the process. Miranda's jaw hit the floor in shock, mainly because Aspro had called her father's school a place for pussies. MarineForceRecon laughed at her priceless expression and took a photo of it before quickly returning to searching the area.

Truth be told, his old school, while it did have all but one of its students pass (He was that one who didn't because of his transfer to a public high school), anyone who came out of it would be bossy, prissy, and the dudes turned into pussies. Marvin Prune is the best example of it. One time, he had the nerve to show up at the MacArthur High School's JROTC Armoury to harass the academy's only drop out. Not only did MarineForceRecon and the other cadets beat him up for his harassment, they also had recorded a video of him harassing MarineForceRecon as well as a video of his being beaten up. None of the cadets ever liked him at all, especially when he had insulted the Brahma Battalion as a whole.

"Okay this area has been scanned clean, Colonel. Are we to move forward, sir?" Thick44 inquired, reattaching his scanner to his belt. Colonel One Hundred looked at the Recon Class before turning to the others.

"Sergeant's Marine and Vi. You two will scout ahead for the next area on the map. I have a feeling that this is where you might engage in first contact so stay alert. Miranda, I want you to stay here with the rest of us. I want to make sure that you can be trusted in combat and as a teammate. So lets move it, people." The Colonel ordered as MarineForceRecon and Vi moved forward. As they rounded the corner, Vi decided to speak first to Marine.

"Hey, is it okay if I call you Lee instead of Marine?" Vi asked, cocking her head in a cute pose, causing Marine's face to turn red. He stopped for a moment to rub the back of his head.

"Uh, s-s-sure I-I g-gu-guess." Lee stuttered before continuing to move. Vi smiled at his bashfulness as she continued to stay close to him. Personally, she liked the teenaged Engineer and desired to learn more about him. She had already made friends with Miranda and Veruca even though both were very intolerable. It was the fact that she goes to the same academy with the other girls and she found that the only school's dropout to be interesting.

"Hey is it me, or did the hallway just get smaller?" Lee asked when the two had to crouch down to reach the small two reached the door and Vi asked Lee to open it. Lee was hesitant about opening the door, mainly because the two Engineers had no idea what was on the other turned to Vi and shook his head.

"Maybe we should have a medic with us. We can ask Miranda for medical aid-GAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Lee cried out in pain as bullets ripped the door apart and lodged into his chest. He fell over dead while Vi took cover behind the wall. She cursed at the enemies as the other four ran up to her. Thick44 leaned out of the corner and started to nail some of the visible enemies through the doorway.

"Colonel, Marine is down! He needs a revive now!" Thick shouts, ducking back into cover as more bullets zoom by. Meanwhile Miranda rushes out of cover and hides behind the doorway. She pulls out a defibrillator and revives Lee. The revived Engineer takes cover on the opposite side and looks at his savior.

"Thanks, Miranda. Maybe you're not so prissy after all." As soon as it leaves Lee's mouth, Miranda starts scolding him for it. Fortunately a series of close bullets hole creation causes her to yelp and back down from the idea of scolding. Lee takes a peek from the doorway and spots something that would even out the playing field.

"Guys, I see a passageway to the distribution area that would allow our tanks to roll in! Its unguard, but that's a long and dangerous run to reach it!" Lee shouted out to the other five as he gunned down his killer. He stopped firing and looked back at his other companions who were smirking at him. He then realized what they were thinking about doing.

"No. Fuck no, guys. I am not gonna run out there and open the doors. No way. No how. You will not make me go out there at all!"

Few seconds later…

"FUCK THIS SHIT!" Lee shouted as he dashed through a storm of bullets and explosions to reach the passageway. He had no choice but to do the task since he has done it many times before on different maps. Besides Colonel One Hundred threw him out of cover literally as motivation. No matter how hard they tried, the Russian Forces couldn't seem to nail Lee when he was running. That made the young Engineer the best guy for the task.

"Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap!" Lee cursed as he dodged multiple projectiles that came at him. This was getting more and more dangerous by the second. The only thing he could do is run and pray to God that he wouldn't get shot again. After what seemed like forever, Lee finally reached the passage and shut the door behind him. He leaned against a wall to catch his breath, unaware about the Russian's own Colonel 100 sneaking up behind him.

Lee felt a hand brush against his shoulder and quickly turned around, grabbing the hand holding the knife. He punched the Russian Colonel 100 in the face before slamming the knife hand into his gut. The Russian fell over dead from the counter-knife and Lee decided to continue forward to find the entrance for the tanks.

Back in the corridor…

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The group roared as they fired back at the Russians. Colonel One Hundred couldn't do anything since the enemy had them in a choke point. At one point, Vi went down and Miranda revived, but both were gunned down instantly. He had to grab both of them, revive them, and get them into better cover. Aspro and Thick44 tried to lay down more suppressive fire, but there was just too many shooters in the AO.

"Colonel, we need back up now! There's too many to handle!" Thick44 shouts as he takes down another Russian Recon Class. At this rate, the five members were about to get completely wiped out when…

"Wait do you guys hear that?" Aspro asks as the group feels vibrations that grew every second. Thick44 noticed it too and began to think about what it was.

"Yeah, I think it almost sounds like tanks moving…." Thick trails off when he sees USMC Abrams Tanks move out of the passageway. On top of the lead tank was Lee, waving and smiling in excitement. The lead tank fired, sending Russians flying into the air.

"HELL YEAH, BABY! SUCK IT, YOU RUSKIES!" Lee shouted as he jumped off the tank and started to fight alongside the blueberries against the Russians. Within a few minutes, the Russians fled into the depths of the factory, leaving this area under USMC control. Since the room was clear of all hostiles, the BFFs were amazed by what room they were in. The room was massive with green grass and plants made out of candy. In the center was a large chocolate river with a waterfall that lead to a dark tunnel that most of the Russians fled to. In the middle of the small chocolate lake, a large clear pipe sucked it up to god knows where.

"Holy shit bucket…" Doraleous said in amazement while Neebs rushed past him to grab a massive lollipop. Simon did the same and moments later both noobs were in a noob swordfight with lollipops. Some of the blueberries gathered around to watch the fight while others decided to explore more of the chocolate room, scanning all over for the commander. However one of the eight new players decided to drink the chocolate water greedily. Credo took notice of this on his battle map visual and immediately disagreed with AGloopChocolateLover's idea. Before he could talk to the fat teen, VSaltTheRich identified a couple of unknown figures on the other side of the river.

"Look, guys! Little people!" VSaltTheRich cried out, causing everyone's attention to shift into the same direction. Lee, being a distance away from the area, lifted his bino scanner to his eyes and zoomed in on the small figures. Sure enough, the English girl was correct about their stature. They were at least knee high with black hair and light brown skin. All of them were outfitted in a red jumpsuit and, for some reason, they found the USMC personnel to be funny since they were giggling like crazy. For all they knew, these guys were high or something.

"ChocolateLover, get away from the river now! That chocolate is unsanitary by now from the Russian's casualties!" Commander Credo orders through the comms, but the fat boy didn't listen. He was too greedy to give a shit about orders and continued to drink away. The blueberries began shouting things at him as well, not that they mattered to the German boy. However this was proven to be wrong when a Russian straggler emerged from the river and pulled ChocolateLover into the chocolate.

Instantaneously, multiple bullets from thirty different weapons tore the straggling Russian to pieces as he submerged back into the chocolate river. Lee began to rush back to the others as they tried to help the German kid out of the river. However it seemed that the boy wasn't a good swimmer and could only float like a turd in a punch bowl.

"Holy crap! He's drifting to the pipe!" Ammo Guy shouted as the USMC could only watch helplessly. Soon AGloopChocolateLover was sucked under the watery chocolate and went headfirst up the pipe.

"Well there he goes." Aspro comments as he walks up next to Doraleous.

"Not yet. I think he's too big for the pipe. See. He's already stuck." Doraleous points out to his fellow BFF. Sure enough, Gloop had stopped, crying for help while squirming his way in an attempt to free himself. Suddenly everyone began to hear music coming from the other side of the river. The little men, now looking at the boy in the pipe, began to sing a song out loud.

"Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!

The great big greedy nincompoop!

Augustus Gloop!

So big and vile

So greedy, foul, and infantile

'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe

To send him shooting up the pipe!

But don't, dear children, be alarmed;

Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,

Augustus Gloop will not be harmed

Although, of course, we must admit

He will be altered quite a bit.

Slowly, the wheels go round and round,

The cogs begin to grind and pound;

We boil him for a minute more,

Until we're absolutely sure

Then out he comes! And now! By grace!

A miracle has taken place!

A miracle has taken place!

This greedy brute, this louse's ear,

Is loved by people everywhere!

For who could hate or bear a grudge

Against a luscious bit of fudge?"

At the end of the song, Gloop shot up the pipe like a bullet and disappeared from view. The other Marines looked at each other nervously, wondering what else this factory had in store for them.

**And AGloopChocolateLover is out. That leaves the all the other players left for a while until he squad spawns again. Don't worry about there being further separation from the main group either. Now that the BFFs have witnessed that incident, they will tighten the guard in preparation of the unknown. Oh and I don't own Battlefield Friends or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So please leave a review and have a nice day.**


End file.
